


I'll see you in another life ( or maybe not)

by tomlinpoop



Series: I just miss you [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crying, Father Louis, M/M, bye, so many lou, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 01:32:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2210640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomlinpoop/pseuds/tomlinpoop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry left and left behind Louis with their three kids. Harry wrote a note why he left though</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll see you in another life ( or maybe not)

**Author's Note:**

> haha I am going to hell. 
> 
> No I didn't copy this or was inspired by 99 days without you. 
> 
> I do not own one direction of course, and if I did you should be very jealous tbh

Dear to anyone who is reading this,

It's funny innit? Seeing me laying there on the ground, no speaking, laughing or breathing. Nothing. Just laying on the ground with maybe a rope around my neck or bloody wrists. Or maybe a overdose. I really don' t know how I am going to end this. Bit one thing is for sure, I am really going to end this, my life. And let me tell you something; It's fucking scary. Because within in now and half an hour, I am gone. Can you imagine? One minute you are laughing and doing things and one minute you're whole life is being thrown upside. I am not blaming anyone, just me. Just me. It's so hard. So hard. I have no idea what this action has for consequences for the boys or more importantly for Louis. 

I think I owe you all a explanation. 

But I hope one thing and that is that Louis don't find this letter alone. It's fine if he finds it with Liam or Zayn. Hell even Niall but please not alone. He is to fragile for that. He'll break. Please look after him for me because I can't anymore. And I'm so sorry for that. I am sorry that I can't see our kids growing up. 

They'll grow up with just one dad, because their papa was busy being a little fucker and decided to fuck his life up and kill him self after a silly fight with his husband for nearly six years. God Lou, what was that fight even about? Was it about that I didn't got you the right cereal you wanted. I got you honey loops right? Instead of coco puffs. God, I am so stupid. I know you hate honey loops. Lately I've been getting you everything you don't want. And I am so sorry. You can't even imagine. 

So on to tell you why I am going to commit suicide. I am going to kill my self because it's hard. Life is always hard but what if life just turns you down and you can't get up. What if life is suffocating you but everyone else around you is breathing just fine. How will you cope with that. And god, I don't even know how it all started. It just started, baby steps. 

The small things that can put you down. Normal people will get up, because it happens to all of us, but it happens every day to me. And when small things turn in to big things, you just can't get up. Lane said to me that he hated me. That everyone hated me, and probably still does, after I am done with myself. Don't blame Lane please. Mary said that I was the worst dad ever. That I never was around, that I never took care of her or Lane or Sophie. You know the funny part is, that it was true. So please Lou, don't be mad at them, you are all that they have now. Louis? Promise me one thing yeah? Don't do anything stupid and you know what stupid is Louis. 

I really have a double feeling about leaving. One side of my brain says that I should stay, but is there to stay for? Why should I stay when everything I do, is hurting the people I love? Why should I stay when I get the feeling that you have fallen out of love with me. We never hug or kiss anymore. We don't have sex anymore and it's killing me because the last time you touched me was about four months ago. My hands are craving for you, to touch you, to hug you, to love you. Everything in my head screams beautiful when I look at you. Your eyes aren't the same anymore Lou. That was the first thing I noticed when things went downhill. Your eyes. Your eyes whose shone so bright, are now dull and a little bit grey. Not the stunning blue I fell in love with, and still is. I just miss you Lou. 

The seconds thing was when you didn't touch me like you used to, nor you let me touch you. God when was the last time I touched you? Two, three months? I miss holding your hand, I miss hugging you and when you played with the baby hairs at the end of my head. Lou, you always managed to get me turned on by that. You have that effect on me. I miss touching your back, my big hand ( Shrek hands as you would call it) on your back, leading you. Or touching you thighs when I hug you, or when I hold them when we had sex. That was your favourite position right. Every time we weren't too tired, we had to do that position. I just miss you Lou.

And the last thing was that you didn't love me anymore. When I whispered in your ear, you normally say it back. What changed? What did I do wrong? I guess I would never find out. Or when I go to work in the morning, I always say that I love you. But you don't. Not anymore. And I miss that Louis. I really do. I would die happy if you would say it one more time, and really mean it. 

But don't blame yourself. Please don't. It's not your fault. And no, it's not that cliché shit; it's not you, it's me. Because Lou, I don't bame you. But we have to remember we didn't try hard enough. We just gave up. Just like that. 

I also want to say a few thank you's and personal good bye's. 

Liam; I'll start with you, because Liam, you have changed my life. You taught me things I'll never would have known. You taught me to cherish and love a human being. You taught me to be myself. And more importantly, to love myself. It sad to think that your lesson only helped for a small amount of time. But thank you. Without you, I would have written this note like a year ago. Liam Payne, I love you as a friend, brother and band mate. Thank you for your wise words and your lessons, but I have to go now. Take care of Lou for me. 

Zayn; Zayn, please take care of Louis for me. You have to make sure you don't loose your partner in crime over a stupid thing I did. Make sure he has some distraction. Don't let him break and don't break yourself. Because you are the strongest person I know. And if you break, everyone else will break. Your confidence is one of the many thing I was jealous of. How you can take the hate and just shrug it off like it's nothing. I wish I had that. But you always helped me when the hate got to me. Talked some sense in me when I thought Louis was going to leave me. But oh how the tables have turned. I am the one who is leaving Louis now. I love you Zayn and thank you for standing up for me and just being there when it's getting rough. 

Niall; Oh Niall, where to start where to start. To see you break or cry would be the hardest, except Louis, because you know he's my world. Please don't cry because I left, cry because all the great and hilarious memories we shared. I know I'm the youngest but I treat you like my little brother. Like the brother I've always wanted. I just wanted to thank you for holding my hair back when I drank too much again. Or the time when you stopped me when I tried to kill myself for the first time. I m sorry that you can't stop me a second time. I love you Niall, I always have and always will.

Lane, Mary and Sophie; I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I can't see my babies grow up in teenagers and then adults. I can't see my grandchildren. I can't say I am a grandpa. And it killing me. Literally. But I loved every minute I got to spend with you. I've just realized that in a week Lane is turning thirteen. 

But bud, I bought my present all somewhere in September so don't worry. You'll get it. I hope it reminds you of me so I can always be with you when life gets rough. I love you Lane, don't forget that. And eat your veggies when your dad asks you to please. 

Mary baby, no I didn't forgot you. I would never. I love you too much to forget you. Please stay in school and follow your heart. If you don't want to be a doctor but a writer; go for it. Secretly I read all the little stories you have written. Mary they are so good. Please continue with them. If you want help with you calculus homework, ask dad. He helped me too. Mary baby I saw you struggling with them every time, so don't roll your eyes right now or scoff, because you know it's true. I know that dad doesn't like your new boyfriend, Darren, but if he treats you right, dad will come around. Just don't have sex on our bed. 

Little Sophie, you are far too young to read this, but I hope dad explains it to you when you are older. But know your dad and I went through hell delivering you. The labour was about thirty-three hours long, and dad was screaming. And that was the first time I thought you or Louis wouldn't make it through. But look at you now, you are healthy and happy and that is really all that matters right. I love you Soph.

Mum and Dad; I've come to the point that I am crying, because I know I've disappointed you. And I am sorry for that. My life goal I had set for myself was pleasing you. And that didn't happen. You are probably asking yourself if you could've seen any signs, the answer is no. None of this mess is your fault. I was always laughing because I didn't want people to feel sorry for me. Or not saying things they normally would say, just because I am depressed and suicidal, doesn't mean I can't take criticism. I can, but not too much. But Mum and Dad, please know that no matter how many fights we've been into, I never stopped loving you guys. You are far too special for that. I love you and thank you for taking care of me. 

Gemma; Donut, I know you are probably blinking away the tears, to come off strong for Mum and Dad, but Gems, it's okay. I am happy now. You can cry, you can curse, you can punch a wall ( don't you think I didn't saw that huge hole in your wall. I just didn't said anything because you re my sister and we all do stuff that isn't good, but that's okay, that's makes us human right?) I love you gems, donut. 

Louis; I really don't know how to start. Maybe from the beginning? ( don't roll your eyes Tomlinson-Styles). Even though I am gone now, I really love to call you Louis Tomlinson-Styles. The fact that we are married, melts my heart. The fact that you are with me melts my heart. The fact that you chose me over that douche gives me heart eyes emoji. Lou, every time I look at you, the fans saw it too, I turn in a giggling high school girl. You were the first person I could be myself. 

Do you remember the bathrooms? Where we first met? God, you looked so pretty. Your appearance and personality made me like guys. Not any guy, no, just you. And when I got a good look in your eyes I thought to myself 'wow I am so going to marry this guy' and I did. Best decision of my life. Seeing you every day, singing everyday. And doing that with my best friends and lover, I lived a pretty wonderful life. And than the time you announced that you were pregnant with Mary. You looked to pretty, so full of my baby. I fell in love all over again. And than Lane and after that Sophie. You gave me three babies Lou. My heart swells just at the thought of you looking pregnant, ( maybe my pants too, but that is besides the point) 

I can remember the day I first told you I loved you. I was a fucking nervous wreck. All because of you. Hands sweaty, stumbling over my words, rambling an just staring dead in you r still beautiful eyes. You were telling something about how a fan patted your bum, and I got so jealous. You remember that Lou. You were so confused. You asked why I was so snappy and I told you I was the only one who could touch or pat your bum. You asked why and I said 'because I can't stand people loving your body when I love you and your body the most of them all' and after that was out, my hands flew to my mouth because it just slipped out. 

Your face Lou, you should've saw you face. Priceless. And then you kissed me. And that was the first time we had sex right. Oh god, it was so awkward. You didn't know what to do, and all I wanted was friction. So I screamed 'if you don't put your dick in my right now, I'll ask Nick Grimshaw' and I guess that kind of worked, because you practically slammed into me. I was sore for three weeks. Three weeks sore for three reasons one; we didn't had lube. Second; you didn't prep me and third; you were fucking huge and I was a virgin so I was tight as fuck. 

 

But I knew you loved me, so you were forgiven easily.

So Lou, to wrap this up, I love you so much. I miss you and take care of your self, and if you can't, ask anyone.

Please Lou, don't stay unhappy for teh rest of your life. Get laid, find a boyfriend. But only if the kids agree okay? 

 

Bye Lou and everyone.


End file.
